I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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