shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
