A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
