This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
