he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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