doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
