He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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