We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize