and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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