Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
