OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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