I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
