Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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