Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
