new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
