Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
