there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
