he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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