Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
