Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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