I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
