we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
