I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
