He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
