Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
