he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
