The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
