Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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