Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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