I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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