he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize