She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
