well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
