My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
