i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
