I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
