I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
