Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
