So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
