My sheets look like a crime scene.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
