Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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