she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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