Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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