3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
