How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
