Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We had to coat check the pizza.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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