Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
