someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
