So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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