You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
