We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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