I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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