i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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