Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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