Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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