Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
