p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
