This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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