i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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